Teen dating violence affects young people across the country. According to the CDC, 1 in 12 U.S. high school students has experienced physical or sexual abuse from a partner in the past year. This alarming rate highlights the need for parents, guardians, and educators to address the issue before it starts. By fostering open conversations and equipping teens with knowledge, adults can help prevent dating violence and support young people if abuse occurs.

The Prevalence and Impact of Teen Dating Violence

Understanding the scope and harm of dating violence builds a foundation for addressing it. The first thing to know is that dating violence is tragically common and it doesn’t always look like physical abuse. It can also include emotional abuse, stalking, and controlling behaviors. The numbers are grim and underscore the need to work toward prevention:

• Nearly 1 in 3 girls in the U.S. is a victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner. That’s far beyond the rates of other types of youth violence.
• 1 in 10 high school students reports being purposefully hit, slapped, or physically hurt by a dating partner.
• Of all age groups, 16 to 24-year-old girls experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence, almost triple the national average.

Violence often leads to long-term impacts for teens, including depression, anxiety, and lower academic achievement. Victims of teen dating violence are also more likely to engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as substance abuse, and face higher risks of experiencing intimate partner violence later in life.

The good news is that violence is preventable. Since violent behavior often shows up between the ages of 12 and 18, role models, caregivers, and educators have a wonderful opportunity to open communication early and establish healthy expectations and behaviors around relationships.

Starting the Conversation with Teens

Talking to kids about healthy and unhealthy relationships can lay the groundwork for positive behaviors and choices. It can also prime them to recognize warning signs of abuse now and later in life. Here are some tips for starting the discussion and topics to cover:

1. Choose the Right Moment: Look for opportunities when you and your young person can talk privately without distractions. Taking a walk, chilling on the couch, or driving in the car can be good opportunities but any time you can connect will do!
2. Talk About Healthy Relationships: Explain the importance of mutual respect, trust, and communication in relationships. Share examples of healthy relationships or personal growth. This will reinforce what a solid relationship looks like and set positive expectations. 
3. Discuss Unhealthy Relationships and Warning Signs: Teach teens to recognize red flags like extreme jealousy, isolation, and controlling behavior. Make sure to explain that abuse is not just physical, it includes emotional and verbal abuse, sexual coercion and abuse, financial abuse, digital/cyber abuse, and stalking. 
4. Make It a Non-Judgmental, Two-Way Convo: Encourage your teen to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism. Ask them what they think and how they want to be treated in a relationship. They should feel their input and opinion is important to you. Be a safe person they can come to if they ever need help.
5. Coach on How to Be an ‘Upstander’:Teach teens how to stand up for friends when they see or hear about unhealthy treatment of their peers. Highlight that adults are there to help, too. 

Keep the Conversation Going

Make a point to keep communication with teens open and honest so you can return to the topic again and again. Looking for opportunities to talk about healthy relationships and signs of abuse can serve as a jumping-off point. 

One approach is using “teachable moments.” Highlighting relationship behaviors through TV shows, movies, music lyrics, news stories, or even personal experiences can be relatable and impactful while sparking discussions about how society portrays abuse. Love is Respect provides real-life examples, too.

Prompts are another way to get your teen thinking critically about relationships. For example, you can break the ice with: “If someone asks their partner to quit a sport or a club to spend more time together, is that okay?” or “What animal best represents the qualities you’d want in a dating partner?” These questions can lead to meaningful talks while showing you value their input.

If a young person isn’t ready to talk openly about relationships, let them know that’s okay. Reassure them that you are there if they change their mind and share the confidential resources below. Trained professionals are always available for support and guidance.

Supporting Teens Experiencing Dating Violence

If you suspect a young person you know is experiencing dating violence, it’s essential to provide support without judgment. Here’s what you can do:

1. Listen Without Blame: Let them know you believe them and are there to help.
2. Offer Resources: Connect them with organizations like Clove Alliance or Harbor House for professional support and guidance (more below).
3. Create a Safety Plan: Help them think through steps to stay safe, such as identifying trusted adults or avoiding situations where the abuser might be present. The resources below will help with planning, too.

Take Action 

Addressing teen dating violence starts with awareness and open communication. By taking proactive steps to educate kids about healthy relationships and providing support when abuse occurs, we can create a safer future for young people. Together, we can break the cycle of violence and empower teens to build respectful, caring relationships.

Resources for Teens and Caring Adults

Clove Alliance 

• Serving survivors of survivors of sexual violence in Kankakee, Iroquois, and Ford counties in Illinois.
• Services include a 24-hour hotline (815.932.3322), advocacy, counseling, legal assistance, and more. 
• Age-appropriate sexual violence prevention programs are available for all school-age youth, with teen programs covering healthy relationships.    

Harbor House

• Serving survivors of domestic violence/intimate partner violence in Kankakee and Iroquois counties in Illinois.
• Services include a 24-hour hotline (815.932.5800) and chatline, emergency shelter, counseling, support and assistance with the Court System, and more. 

Love Is Respect

• A national resource to disrupt and prevent unhealthy relationships and intimate partner violence by empowering young people through inclusive and equitable education, support, and resources.
• Services include a hotline at 1.866.331.9474 or text LOVEIS to 22522 to message, quizzes, information, and content tailored to your people.

National Sexual Assault Hotline

• Serving survivors of survivors of sexual violence in the USA.
• 24-hour hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
• Online chat support is available.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

• Serving survivors of domestic violence/IPV in the USA.
•  24-hour hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
• Online chat and text messaging support are available.

If you or your teen ever feel in immediate danger, call 911.