Stalking and Sexual Violence: How Patterns of Control Escalate
Stalking is often misunderstood. Many people picture it as dramatic or rare, like something out of a movie. In reality, stalking is common, deeply harmful, and closely connected to gender-based violence. It happens in person, online, or through technology, and it often escalates over time.
If you’re experiencing stalking—or want to understand it so you can help others—you are not alone, and help is available. This post will explain what stalking is, why it’s so serious, and where to report stalking and get support.
What Is Stalking?
Stalking is a pattern of unwanted behavior that causes someone to feel afraid, threatened, harassed, or unsafe. It’s ongoing actions that invade a person’s sense of safety and control. Stalking can include any behavior that would make a person feel fear or distress when it happens repeatedly.
Examples of Stalking Behaviors
Stalking can look different depending on the situation, but common behaviors include:
In-person Stalking
- Following or showing up at someone’s home, work, school, or favorite places
- Watching, monitoring, or tracking someone’s movements
- Leaving unwanted gifts, notes, or objects
- Damaging property or stealing personal items
Communication-based Stalking
- Repeated unwanted calls, texts, messages, emails, or voicemails
- Sending threatening, manipulative, or sexually explicit messages
- Contacting friends, family members, coworkers, or employers to get information
Social Media and Digital Stalking
- Constantly messaging or commenting on posts after being asked to stop
- Monitoring “likes,” location tags, or online activity
- Creating fake accounts to watch or contact someone
- Posting private photos or information without consent (sometimes called cyber-sexual abuse)
- Using GPS, apps, or spyware to track someone’s location
Many survivors say the hardest part isn’t just the behavior—it’s the relentlessness. The sense of being watched or unable to escape can be overwhelming.
How Stalking Is Connected to Sexual Violence
Stalking and sexual violence are deeply intertwined. Both are used as tools of power and control. These crimes can be perpetrated by anyone, but many offenders are current or former intimate partners.
Research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that more than 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men in the US experience stalking during their lifetime, so we know it is common. Stalking is also known to be an alarming associate of sexual violence. Women stalked by abusive partners experience sexual harm at significantly higher rates compared with women not stalked by abusive partners. For example, they reported rates of sexual coercion at 78% and sexual degradation at 61%. 31% of the surveyed women reported being sexually assaulted by the stalking partner.
Experts on violence emphasize that stalking is one of the strongest predictors of future violence, including sexual assault and homicide. This is why stalking should always be taken seriously, even if it hasn’t become physically violent yet.
Stalking Is Often Minimized—and That’s Dangerous
Stalking is frequently dismissed or downplayed by others, and sometimes even by survivors themselves. You might hear excuses like “They’re just being annoying…you can easily block them,” or “That’s just what happens after a breakup,” even “It’s not illegal unless they hurt you.”
These responses ignore the reality that stalking causes real fear and is a bright red flag. It’s not about the stalker’s supposed intent, but the impact it has on the target.
Why Minimization Happens
Stalking behaviors can seem “normal” when viewed individually. For example, liking a few posts on your crush’s social media is one thing. Liking all their posts, messaging them repeatedly, and showing up at their work with flowers is another!
Popular media doesn’t help. It often romanticizes unhealthy and abusive behaviors like persistence and obsession. Movies and TV shows make it seem like pursuing someone at all costs proves commitment and true love. In reality, it proves a disregard for the target’s feelings and sense of safety, causing stress, anxiety, and fear.
Survivors may also be blamed for “not cutting contact” with the stalker. However, setting boundaries can often lead to intensified stalking tactics, threats, and harm—things the target is desperately trying to avoid.
Why Stalking Is Serious
Stalking disrupts the target’s life. To stay safe, they may need to get a new phone number, adjust their daily routine, switch classes, find a different job, or even relocate. It causes emotional harm too, such as high rates of PTSD, anxiety, depression, and sleep disruption.
The risk of escalation increases when the target sets boundaries or ignores the stalker. It isn’t something that will simply pass, so getting support can be especially beneficial. If someone’s behavior makes you feel unsafe, controlled, or constantly on edge, trust your instincts and get help.
Where to Report Stalking and Get Help
If you are experiencing stalking, you have options—and you deserve support no matter what you choose to do. If you know someone who is being targeted, you can share these resources.
Reporting Stalking
- Call 911 if you or someone else is in immediate danger
- Contact your local police department to file a report
- Keep documentation: screenshots, messages, call logs, dates, and descriptions
Stalking is a crime in all 50 states and, under Illinois law, it’s described as repeated unwanted contact that causes emotional distress or fear, even if no physical harm has occurred.
Orders of Protection
You may be able to ask for protection from the legal system. In Illinois, an Order of Protection or Stalking No Contact Order can be requested through your county courthouse. These orders can:
- Prohibit contact (in person and digital)
- Require the stalker to stay away from your home, work, or school
- Be temporary or long-term
Advocates can help you understand your options and navigate the process safely. They can also meet you at the courthouse to assist in filing your request for an Order of Protection or Stalking No Contact Order.
Other Supports
Employers and schools can make really helpful accommodations for employees and students who are targeted by a stalker. They are obligated to help keep you safe. Talk to your supervisor at work or bring your concerns to school administrators for assistance. If you aren’t sure what to ask for or want to better understand their obligations, speak with an advocate.
Local, Confidential Support at Clove Alliance
Clove Alliance provides free, confidential services for survivors of sexual violence, which can include sexual stalking, in Kankakee, Iroquois, and Ford counties. Our services are available to survivors of all ages, as well as their loved ones. We offer:
- 24/7 crisis hotline at 815.932.3322
- Counseling (in-person, virtual, or phone) for survivors and loved ones
- Advocacy for survivors navigating reporting to law enforcement, seeking protective orders, or looking for medical care
- Legal Services to help navigate the legal system
- Prevention programs and training that empower our community to end sexual violence
- Referrals to connect with additional community resources to meet specific needs
If the case involves intimate partner violence, Harbor House is another great local organization in Kankakee and Iroquois Counties. They can be reached at 815.932.5800.
Whether you’re ready to report—or just need someone to listen—we are here. If you’re not sure if we are the right people to help in your situation, give us a call anyway. We can connect you to the right resources.
You Deserve Safety and Support
Stalking is not romantic. It’s not harmless. And it’s not something you have to tolerate.
If you’re searching for information about stalking, chances are something doesn’t feel right—and that feeling is worth paying attention to. Support can make a real difference, and early help can reduce risk.
If you or someone you care about is experiencing stalking in Kankakee, Iroquois, or Ford County, reach out to Clove Alliance today. You deserve to feel safe again.
