When someone experiences sexual violence and decides not to make a police report, people may wonder why. They may ask, “Why wouldn’t they want the person who hurt them to be held accountable?” or “What if this happens to someone else?”

These questions may come from a place of concern, but they can also place an unfair burden on survivors. There are many reasons someone may choose not to report sexual assault or abuse to law enforcement, and they deserve understanding. 

Most importantly, reporting is a survivor’s choice. It is not their responsibility to stop someone else from causing harm, seek retributive justice, or participate in the criminal legal process.

Understanding this can help all of us better support survivors and respond with compassion rather than judgment.

There Is No “Right” Way For Survivors To React

There is no single way to respond to trauma like sexual violence, and that includes deciding whether or when to report. Some survivors report an assault immediately. Others wait days, months, or years. Some tell a friend or family member but never contact police. Others may not tell anyone at all.

Another barrier can be understanding what happened. Survivors may not immediately recognize that an experience was sexual assault or abuse, particularly when the person who caused harm was someone they knew or trusted. One analysis of studies involving nearly 6,000 women and girls aged 14 and older found that 60% of those who had experiences meeting the definition of rape didn’t label it as “rape”. Understanding or putting words to what happened can take years or even decades.

Even once the violence is acknowledged, there are still many reasons people may decide not to report. The factors below are common, but no list can be all-inclusive because individual circumstances largely shape reporting decisions. Researchers and survivor-support workers emphasize that no matter the reason, a delayed report or no report does not mean an experience was less serious or that the survivor is not telling the truth. 

Common Reasons Survivors Don’t Report

Fear Of Not Being Believed

One of the most common concerns is, simply, “What if they don’t believe me or they blame me?”

Sexual violence is surrounded by commonly held myths and expectations about what a “real” assault looks like and how a “real” survivor should behave. Survivors may worry that others will belittle what happened or scrutinize them rather than the perpetrator, interrogating what they were wearing, whether they had been drinking, if they knew the person who harmed them, or why they stayed in contact with them. All these questions wrongly shift blame from the perpetrator and senselessly imply the survivor is somehow at fault. 

Connection To The Person Who Caused Harm

Concerns about disbelief can be magnified when the person who caused harm is someone the survivor knows or trusts, which is the dynamic in the majority of sexual assaults. A partner, friend, relative, teacher…these people are connected with others in the survivor’s life, and they may fear everyone will side with the perpetrator. Research shows that the relationship between the survivor and the assailant has a major influence on reporting decisions.

Survivors may also have complicated feelings about what could happen to the person who caused harm. They may still love or care about that person, particularly when they are a partner, family member, friend, or someone else they trusted. They may worry about the consequences of reporting for that person or the people around them.

Shame, Embarrassment, and Self-blame

Sexual violence can leave survivors feeling shame or embarrassment, even though the responsibility belongs entirely to the person who caused the harm.

A survivor may wonder whether they somehow contributed to what happened. They may replay the circumstances and think about what they could have done differently. They may worry about what other people will think if they find out.

These anxieties can be stoked by seeing what other survivors have gone through, whether in their own lives or in the media, and can make talking about the experience incredibly difficult.

Fear of Fallout

Some survivors are afraid of what could happen if they report.

They may fear retaliation from the person who caused harm or from that person’s friends or family. They may worry about losing a relationship, their housing, job, friends, or community.

Young people may have additional concerns, such as getting in trouble with parents, caregivers, or school administrators for breaking rules like curfew, drinking restrictions, meeting someone online, or being somewhere they weren’t permitted to be.

For someone already dealing with the aftermath of sexual violence, these possible consequences can feel overwhelming.

Feeling Overwhelmed By The Process

Reporting sexual violence can involve answering painful questions, repeatedly describing what happened, interacting with investigators, and potentially participating in legal proceedings.

For many survivors, repeatedly discussing their experience feels emotionally exhausting or retraumatizing. Others may not have the time, financial resources, emotional energy, or support they feel they need to navigate the process.

We also have to acknowledge that some survivors may feel conflicted or uneasy about working with police.

Some survivors describe interacting with law enforcement as retraumatizing and bad for their mental health. One study found that less than half of survivors who reported would choose to go through the process again. Yet some have very supportive experiences with police. The point is that survivors have different circumstances, needs, and concerns. They all deserve the freedom to make informed choices about what is right for them.

Wanting To Move Forward

Not every survivor defines healing or justice through a criminal investigation.

A survivor may decide that their priority is feeling safe, caring for their mental health, confiding in people they trust, or simply moving forward with their life. These are meaningful goals, and choosing them does not make what happened any less serious.

Recent research examining reporting decisions found that wanting to move on ranked highly among reasons survivors chose not to report. That choice deserves respect.

Reporting Is Not A Survivor’s Responsibility

The responsibility for sexual violence belongs to the person who caused the harm, not the person who experienced it.

It is natural to want people who commit sexual violence to be held accountable. But survivors are not responsible for preventing future violence, protecting other people from someone who harmed them, or bringing about justice.

They do not have to report to prove that what happened mattered. They do not have to participate in an investigation to deserve support. And they do not have to decide immediately.

For some survivors, reporting may be an important part of their experience. For others, it may not be what they need or want. Either choice is valid.

Support Is Available, Whether Or Not Someone Reports

A survivor doesn’t have to make a police report to get help! They also don’t have to know what they want to do next before reaching out.

At Clove Alliance, we provide free and confidential services for survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones in Kankakee, Iroquois, and Ford Counties. We can help survivors understand their options, answer questions, and connect them with support without pressure to make a particular decision.

Clove Alliance offers:

• Someone to talk to 24/7 on our crisis hotline: 815.932.3322
• Confidential counseling offered in individual, family, couples, and group settings
• Advocacy in medical and legal settings
• Legal services to secure rights within the legal system

What If Someone Tells Me They Were Assaulted? 

One of the most helpful things you can do for a survivor of sexual violence is to listen without judgment. 

Support them by sharing options, not pressure. Listen, believe them, and respect their choices. If they want resources, help connect them. 

Avoid saying, “You need to report this!” Instead, consider: “I’m glad you told me. I can help you understand your options and connect with help. I’ll support whatever you decide feels right for you.”

You can learn more about how to be supportive here, and you can always reach out to Clove Alliance for information on how to help someone else.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911. Clove Alliance’s 24-hour crisis hotline is available at 815.932.3322 for confidential support and information.